Dig the pacing of this piece and really had me hooked with the intro! Maybe it’s the sci-fi, idk, but I dig the straightforward description of the ship, but also appreciated how very human and real the prisoners situation in trying to escape was. Very curious about this story world too!
I think is is genuinely my favorite of yours. It’s so well told man. I put on the songs too and you’ve timed the pace perfectly with them. I dig them both too, definitely added. But onto the story. The pacing and dialogue was so tight, it was characterizing, and it showcases your voice in a very efficient way. The descriptions of the ship itself are TERRIFIC. You get instantly put into this world you’ve made and your voice STANDS OUT. I love this redux, but I think I did enjoy the first parts initial burst of violence more, just the start though. The way it plays out here is much smoother.
Damn, I must have missed the original version of this, but I'm glad you tagged me for this re-release. As a massive fan of sci-fi horror, this piece merges perfectly with your style of intense, fast-paced, visceral writing.
I got major Dead Space vibes here as well, which is one of my all-time favorite horror games, so you're absolutely onto something!
it rocked. I trust @Emil Ottoman when he recs and he’s never knowingly undersold. im still curious about the 2060 though. you know something about tech that we don't?
it’s an alternate timeline that by music and certain cues indicates that even though history isn’t the same as we know it, things aren’t really that different if different at all. So that’s one critique.
Arguing that if things were “different” things would still basically be the same because the root of what’s “wrong” it’s still with us if it’s not US.
As for technology, I don’t see it as something farfetched. Spacefaring is an industry as we speak, just like traveling by plane. I forgot what year but there’s a Hotel supposed to start construction soon (2026).
Honestly I think that wouldn’t be hard at all. There’s some plans with this, I don’t know if you saw the Code device I shared some weeks ago.
Well that is meant for this, to extend the Lobby into a bigger project.
Right now all stories take place in the same universe, so I’m going to bridge that gap first. I’m very into the Earth stories at the moment. But every chance I get I work something to continue the expansion.
There’s a lot of potential because the Melquisedec is so big there’s enough space for multiple shit to go down.
I'm a sucker for biological tech. it is so sick. So of course love the setting here. Critisms I have would be that the intro detailing the ship probably isn't needed. at least to me, I love learning shit as I read especially ideas as cool as this. and I think not having that could of helped with my other critism which is once we are on "ground level" with the characters the setting takes kind of a back seat. which it should to the main characters and action, but those moments interlaced with description of this biological ship I think would of gone a long way.
Like I said, love biological tech would love to check out more.
Every part of this was so artistic and necessary! I love the gritty world you've built, especially the ship. I love a good amount of violence as well - not too much, just enough. Excellent work!
Dig the pacing of this piece and really had me hooked with the intro! Maybe it’s the sci-fi, idk, but I dig the straightforward description of the ship, but also appreciated how very human and real the prisoners situation in trying to escape was. Very curious about this story world too!
Love it! I want to keep the human aspect as grounded as possible[for now at least]
The ship is a character I’m looking to peel open.
I think is is genuinely my favorite of yours. It’s so well told man. I put on the songs too and you’ve timed the pace perfectly with them. I dig them both too, definitely added. But onto the story. The pacing and dialogue was so tight, it was characterizing, and it showcases your voice in a very efficient way. The descriptions of the ship itself are TERRIFIC. You get instantly put into this world you’ve made and your voice STANDS OUT. I love this redux, but I think I did enjoy the first parts initial burst of violence more, just the start though. The way it plays out here is much smoother.
Damn, I must have missed the original version of this, but I'm glad you tagged me for this re-release. As a massive fan of sci-fi horror, this piece merges perfectly with your style of intense, fast-paced, visceral writing.
I got major Dead Space vibes here as well, which is one of my all-time favorite horror games, so you're absolutely onto something!
Dead Space IS one of the best horror games EVER. That’s an awesome compliment! Thanks for giving it a read!
This is dope, but I want more, chef!
That the last of humanity is a prison/slave ship is so goddamn compelling (Faulcault would have a feild-day), and the prose is tight as shit.
Well done, I love this.
Yeaaah… damn. Nothing gets past ya’, huh? Haha
There’s one line doubling as an easter egg.
May expand on that for the next install.
Lets see…
If that’s a challenge then it’s accepted; I WILL be reading this again 😁
Love this.
Shit thats grisly and awesome!
AND SLOWDIVE?
fuck off!
Love the naming code. smart.
however...you broke your own rule of the 🍆 ... I counted 7 men... but ill forgive you.
and 2060??.. the one weak spot but again, loved it anyway!
Skills. could you keep that up for a whole novella? ooof!
Thanks for checking it out, Nick!
As for the rule of cocks…
I’m ashamed I failed at the most simplest of tasks :(
it rocked. I trust @Emil Ottoman when he recs and he’s never knowingly undersold. im still curious about the 2060 though. you know something about tech that we don't?
So as for the 2060
it’s an alternate timeline that by music and certain cues indicates that even though history isn’t the same as we know it, things aren’t really that different if different at all. So that’s one critique.
Arguing that if things were “different” things would still basically be the same because the root of what’s “wrong” it’s still with us if it’s not US.
As for technology, I don’t see it as something farfetched. Spacefaring is an industry as we speak, just like traveling by plane. I forgot what year but there’s a Hotel supposed to start construction soon (2026).
Also, it’s sci-fi lol
If I’m not mistaken Alien took place in 2020
im bowing to you, oh author.
and 2001 was 2001.
and blade runner was...20 years ago was it?.. heheh
Exactly! Ha
Blade Runner was 2019, if I remember correctly. (The Ridley Scott one)
thassit
Shit, sorry, didn’t notice the novella bit.
Honestly I think that wouldn’t be hard at all. There’s some plans with this, I don’t know if you saw the Code device I shared some weeks ago.
Well that is meant for this, to extend the Lobby into a bigger project.
Right now all stories take place in the same universe, so I’m going to bridge that gap first. I’m very into the Earth stories at the moment. But every chance I get I work something to continue the expansion.
There’s a lot of potential because the Melquisedec is so big there’s enough space for multiple shit to go down.
i can sense your excitement and passion. bodes well.😎
I'm a sucker for biological tech. it is so sick. So of course love the setting here. Critisms I have would be that the intro detailing the ship probably isn't needed. at least to me, I love learning shit as I read especially ideas as cool as this. and I think not having that could of helped with my other critism which is once we are on "ground level" with the characters the setting takes kind of a back seat. which it should to the main characters and action, but those moments interlaced with description of this biological ship I think would of gone a long way.
Like I said, love biological tech would love to check out more.
keep on keeping on homie!
Every part of this was so artistic and necessary! I love the gritty world you've built, especially the ship. I love a good amount of violence as well - not too much, just enough. Excellent work!
Thank you Greta, I have plans on expanding this world.
There’s infinite potential for stories inside the Melquisedec.
Thanks for lookin’ out!