The progress I’ve made in such little time is thanks to you. Those essays and your stories have done more than all my years trying to figure things out on my own.
If anybody reads this comment, check out: Such was the Epiphany of Theodore Beasley.
Almost all my stories have music embedded in them. Whenever I mention a song from that point up until the next BELIEVE everything that’s written was with THAT song playing on repeat, until I felt the feeling I wanted is captured and then on to the next one.
With this playlist I kinda play with emotions, so it compliments the writing.
These other stories take place in the same “world”. Same city, actually. The man who’s mentioned as Sandy’s cousin is one of the main characters in Covadonga and is part of a crew of misfits in Fried Chicken, Dead Horse.
Ahhhh all of these comments are great. I’m so glad I got to this. The ending was my favorite part. That small moment Layra and Sandy have is done PERFECTLY. That’s that shit right there man. Dialogue was real and dope. Kind of got lost in between the arrival of Paul and the fight but once the fight popped off it flowed like a damn movie. Excellent work. Another favorite amongst your work.
YO. I forgot to say but your writing has this tension to it. Like your slowly stretching the rubber band from the beginning until the fight. Something lying underneath it all that explodes in the best possible way. It’s something that clicked in my mind when we got to the constant barking dog. Something along the lines of the dirty dishes giving them bass. Like some shit is about to GO DOWN. Tightly fn effective.
This gripped me from start to finish. Love how the dialogue is weaved into the action, without quotations. The action had my heart beating really fast! Excellent!
every scene move n thought is choreographed. n i can’t get over how u write chaos. ur violence reads like a ballet. i could see everything. n i was holding my BREATH omg
and again!! the soundtrack!! i love it bc that’s how i read / write. i have playlists for all my fav books. when i write i have to have the perfect playlist on. but u use it in such a sharp intentional gorgeous way. it changes the tone. it’s abrupt. it shapes the story.
and that canal scene :((( that broke me. the way u gave em this tiny moment of quiet after all the noise. time slowed :((
just wow pablo!! so devastating. so human.
okay onto next
(ps i also love starburters so im taking those compliments tyyy)
I knew you'd appreciate the playlist, that's why I told you 'bout this one (I'll confess I teared up way too many times writing the canal scene (I think story wise it's the most powerful playlist I've made)!!
most of the events retold here happened, they're just mixed to form one story, the setting is also a real place, i was raised there. Layra is the sister of one of my best friends (Lennymar), so yeah, it's all real (besides the fiction lol).
Timothee Chalamet bothered by sunlight face had me giggling.
I don't know if this is intentional, but I like that you don't punctuate the character's inner monologue. The open-ended nature of it feels truer to the way the brain dawdles on your line of thinking, even after you've told it to leave. and of course when you tell it to leave, the longer it lingers
You painted a supremely vivid picture for me here. Even if I personally would've enjoyed a couple more details about their appearance, you're still incredibly adept at defining motion, re-defining it, leading the reader down a waltz of your own making. I glided through most of this after initially needing to feel for the rhythm. I'll admit it was difficult for me at first to keep track of who was who, but once i got onto the beat i couldn't stop. Beautiful lines interspersed throughout too, with lots of layers--particularly dig that 'voyeuristic eye in his chest' one. you nail voice, sensation and relationship in one fell swoop.
The action is clear and crisp. Felt like a Jeremy Saulnier flick playing behind my eyes. i say saulnier because the characters feel smart, but only like, street-smart. not action-hero smart. so the fight feels way more visceral that way. that cheek supreme line is dope af.
the romance in this is what puts it over the edge. everything's better with a little romance--and right as i say that, is when i get to the absolute gut punch of an ending. what a way to bow out.
Man, i gotta do a close reading of this w covadonga. the more i read your stuff the more i see we've got a lot of similar artistic tendencies/tastes. the collab is gonna be one for the ages
here i wanted to have that balance between the drama and the violence, although violence is drama, i wanted to show that trauma bonding experience between two wrung up souls. i mean all of 'em there are going through it.
the abused sister, layra passin' out, the bois and their go to war attitude on some ride and die shit, it's just all an amalgamation of very real shit.
the descriptions for the characters is purposeful, i don't go heavy on those cos i like it to be a mirror, whoever reflects on it will do so. giving a specific appearance will dispel that magic. it's just how i see it.
it's super real. something i could never stake claim to but you manage to transport me into the world like i was right there with them. i wanted to see them win, they were really easy to root for and to see it all get snatched away is the thing that seals the deal for me
the description thing makes more sense now. that's what i end up doing when i read stories without them so much--i end up imagining actor's faces or composite faces or faces from my real life. i imagined these guys as pretty ethnically diverse. Paul was Ebon Moss-Bachrach though lol
Yeah. That's the stuff. I love it.
The progress I’ve made in such little time is thanks to you. Those essays and your stories have done more than all my years trying to figure things out on my own.
If anybody reads this comment, check out: Such was the Epiphany of Theodore Beasley.
That’s what spawned this.
Good stuff, Pablo! I really like the cadence and vibe in the final portion; it goes from really colorful to cold.
Thanks for giving it a read, Sean!
It’s a standalone but it informs other pieces I’ve posted: Covadonga and Fried Chicken, Dead Horse. It’s drawing from my childhood in PR.
I can tell there is a lot of truth mixed in. Feels like I'm hanging with my homies.
way to go!
Appreciate it, man. Thanks for the read!
This felt like an early 2000s horror movie and I mean that in the best way possible!
I can definitely see that!
It's moody, grainy, and has a camcorder feel to it. Idk if you played the songs as they popped up but that also helps with the 'vibe'.
I really think that the second to last song(the instrumental) is a MUST at least for that last stretch.
Thanks for giving it a read and for your comment.
Appreciate it!
Oooh I’ve gotta re read with the music you’re right. Ofc! Thank you for sharing :)
Almost all my stories have music embedded in them. Whenever I mention a song from that point up until the next BELIEVE everything that’s written was with THAT song playing on repeat, until I felt the feeling I wanted is captured and then on to the next one.
With this playlist I kinda play with emotions, so it compliments the writing.
Wow this is a book
Thank you!
These other stories take place in the same “world”. Same city, actually. The man who’s mentioned as Sandy’s cousin is one of the main characters in Covadonga and is part of a crew of misfits in Fried Chicken, Dead Horse.
I appreciate you giving it a read.
https://open.substack.com/pub/jpvbx/p/flowers-for-the-dead-and-bullets?r=28q4if&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=false
https://open.substack.com/pub/jpvbx/p/covadonga?r=28q4if&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=false
Complete it and publish
Ahhhh all of these comments are great. I’m so glad I got to this. The ending was my favorite part. That small moment Layra and Sandy have is done PERFECTLY. That’s that shit right there man. Dialogue was real and dope. Kind of got lost in between the arrival of Paul and the fight but once the fight popped off it flowed like a damn movie. Excellent work. Another favorite amongst your work.
Glad Sandy and Layra did for you!
Thanks for giving it a try! ❤️
YO. I forgot to say but your writing has this tension to it. Like your slowly stretching the rubber band from the beginning until the fight. Something lying underneath it all that explodes in the best possible way. It’s something that clicked in my mind when we got to the constant barking dog. Something along the lines of the dirty dishes giving them bass. Like some shit is about to GO DOWN. Tightly fn effective.
This gripped me from start to finish. Love how the dialogue is weaved into the action, without quotations. The action had my heart beating really fast! Excellent!
I love it resonated with you, made your heart race, it immersed you.
I’m glad to have you around!
Waiting to see how you nurture and flourish your fiction as well.
Thanks for taking your time to read and comment.
I’m always grateful for it.
pablo this is cinema!!
every scene move n thought is choreographed. n i can’t get over how u write chaos. ur violence reads like a ballet. i could see everything. n i was holding my BREATH omg
and again!! the soundtrack!! i love it bc that’s how i read / write. i have playlists for all my fav books. when i write i have to have the perfect playlist on. but u use it in such a sharp intentional gorgeous way. it changes the tone. it’s abrupt. it shapes the story.
and that canal scene :((( that broke me. the way u gave em this tiny moment of quiet after all the noise. time slowed :((
just wow pablo!! so devastating. so human.
okay onto next
(ps i also love starburters so im taking those compliments tyyy)
I knew you'd appreciate the playlist, that's why I told you 'bout this one (I'll confess I teared up way too many times writing the canal scene (I think story wise it's the most powerful playlist I've made)!!
most of the events retold here happened, they're just mixed to form one story, the setting is also a real place, i was raised there. Layra is the sister of one of my best friends (Lennymar), so yeah, it's all real (besides the fiction lol).
I'm happy you enjoyed it!!
Timothee Chalamet bothered by sunlight face had me giggling.
I don't know if this is intentional, but I like that you don't punctuate the character's inner monologue. The open-ended nature of it feels truer to the way the brain dawdles on your line of thinking, even after you've told it to leave. and of course when you tell it to leave, the longer it lingers
You painted a supremely vivid picture for me here. Even if I personally would've enjoyed a couple more details about their appearance, you're still incredibly adept at defining motion, re-defining it, leading the reader down a waltz of your own making. I glided through most of this after initially needing to feel for the rhythm. I'll admit it was difficult for me at first to keep track of who was who, but once i got onto the beat i couldn't stop. Beautiful lines interspersed throughout too, with lots of layers--particularly dig that 'voyeuristic eye in his chest' one. you nail voice, sensation and relationship in one fell swoop.
The action is clear and crisp. Felt like a Jeremy Saulnier flick playing behind my eyes. i say saulnier because the characters feel smart, but only like, street-smart. not action-hero smart. so the fight feels way more visceral that way. that cheek supreme line is dope af.
the romance in this is what puts it over the edge. everything's better with a little romance--and right as i say that, is when i get to the absolute gut punch of an ending. what a way to bow out.
Man, i gotta do a close reading of this w covadonga. the more i read your stuff the more i see we've got a lot of similar artistic tendencies/tastes. the collab is gonna be one for the ages
thanks, man.
here i wanted to have that balance between the drama and the violence, although violence is drama, i wanted to show that trauma bonding experience between two wrung up souls. i mean all of 'em there are going through it.
the abused sister, layra passin' out, the bois and their go to war attitude on some ride and die shit, it's just all an amalgamation of very real shit.
the descriptions for the characters is purposeful, i don't go heavy on those cos i like it to be a mirror, whoever reflects on it will do so. giving a specific appearance will dispel that magic. it's just how i see it.
and yes, the collab will go stewpeddd
it's super real. something i could never stake claim to but you manage to transport me into the world like i was right there with them. i wanted to see them win, they were really easy to root for and to see it all get snatched away is the thing that seals the deal for me
the description thing makes more sense now. that's what i end up doing when i read stories without them so much--i end up imagining actor's faces or composite faces or faces from my real life. i imagined these guys as pretty ethnically diverse. Paul was Ebon Moss-Bachrach though lol
Paul bro Hahaha build wise it aint far at all lol