I got to say that this doesnt get to me...i do get a sense of frustrated anger at the despoilment of corporations...or something...but the purposeful (?) derangement and collapse of grammar and form towards the end is not doing it for me when the structure and thus the strength was more focused in the first stanzas and was working something up.
Poetry not always my favourite thing and then, when poetry does work for me, a lot of that is admiration for the ability to impose structure and rhyme and rhythm on top of and as well as the imagery and emotion of the words themselves. in this piece it feels like it's just an idea and a feeling that is falling apart... and i"m sure that, knowing the authors, this was quite deliberate.
It's making me grimmace to read it. also probably what you intended to achieve with it, so well done there!
Hope you take this in the spirit of honest personal critique as a fellow author and friend. 😎
Oh yeah!
Um holy fucking shit. I guess I'm not surprised that my mind is blown? But my mind is fucking blown.
Fucking GODDAMN cehf! Bars.
Y’all got me on the sauté n I love it!
Another order comin’ up at 5
Wow.
Thanks for lookin’ out!
Damn, damn, damn. You’ve got the wordplay down. One line in particular, which I’m going to restock right now.
You’re not gold - you’re platinum.
thank you…
i’m going to call it a ‘night’, but, yours is scheduled in four hours.
i hope it lands somewhere special.
thanks for your support
Oh! How exciting! I’m looking forward to it already!
And you’re very welcome 😊
I got to say that this doesnt get to me...i do get a sense of frustrated anger at the despoilment of corporations...or something...but the purposeful (?) derangement and collapse of grammar and form towards the end is not doing it for me when the structure and thus the strength was more focused in the first stanzas and was working something up.
Poetry not always my favourite thing and then, when poetry does work for me, a lot of that is admiration for the ability to impose structure and rhyme and rhythm on top of and as well as the imagery and emotion of the words themselves. in this piece it feels like it's just an idea and a feeling that is falling apart... and i"m sure that, knowing the authors, this was quite deliberate.
It's making me grimmace to read it. also probably what you intended to achieve with it, so well done there!
Hope you take this in the spirit of honest personal critique as a fellow author and friend. 😎
there is only the work after all.
Wowzer!
“Nullity of everything brimming green” my fav line! It sounds melancholic in the midst of the angry chants!
Yes! There’s a swing in rhythm there, marking the descent.
I’m glad you liked it!