iight, so, I’m the first to comment. This was a dope read. I appreciate the voices the names used for the 5 boys. The setting was setup so well and I felt some nostalgia haven grown up in similar settings and having uncles who owned bodegas with food being sold. I really like the ending too, like, you know they about to do some dumb shit, and the moon is just watching, nice, has me curious about the next one and what will happen. That’s all for now! I had fun reading this, thanks 🙏🏽
I can't state enough how HAPPY reading your comment makes me feel! Having that nostalgia come through and resonate is cathartic. Really appreciate you taking your time to read and comment. Can't wait for you to check out what the bunch gets into. Xavi and Indio are in another story I have here that takes place in a club. It's called Covadonga.
Yooo this was super dope! I instantly noticed the Reservoir Dogs inspiration for their little lunch. Dialogue was tight and super effective in characterizing everyone and your voice still shines through everything else. The blunt rotations had me laughing as my homies and I have done that shit too. Love the little insights into their thoughts too. Very well put together and I think this flows very well compared to your previous work. Especially the end with the setup of their plan. Dope shit.
Not my tongues. It was hard to follow. But it is good writing, so I completed it. It is different from what I am used to. Street language. Every character has its own slang. I am overwhelmed by the colors of these pieces and how you brought the street to words. Excellent work. Keep the flame burning.
Love that! I did want them each to have their own color/flavor, it’s not hard to paint it as such since I’m just drawing from experience. It’s how my friends talk, just translated and believe it not ‘refined’ lol
I’d dig to have a piece read by you, full English of course.
Recording like this is absolutely out of my comfort zone. I never did this kind of language before. But if you are willing to help me a bit, I could record at least a monologue. To see how this works. Or a brief text.
I wrote something together, trying to orient on Peluche. But you would need to fix it (or completely rewrite). This is just an example of what could work.
Please feel free to mix in Spanish (?) words. I can't speak Spanish well, but I love the sound. I don't know if the Spanish words used here are good either.
Example:
Chest full of fire. I hold it. Don’t exhale. Not yet.
The smoke scrapes something loose.
Maybe my mother’s voice, that night with Confe’s hand too long on mine.
Coño.
They laugh like it’s all just blunts and folders.
But that man’s smile was a brand, and I still smell burnt skin under my shirt.
No soy un santo. But I keep it all. The names, the debts, the way Hormiga looked away.
I want to cough. I want to scream. But I hold the smoke.
iight, so, I’m the first to comment. This was a dope read. I appreciate the voices the names used for the 5 boys. The setting was setup so well and I felt some nostalgia haven grown up in similar settings and having uncles who owned bodegas with food being sold. I really like the ending too, like, you know they about to do some dumb shit, and the moon is just watching, nice, has me curious about the next one and what will happen. That’s all for now! I had fun reading this, thanks 🙏🏽
I can't state enough how HAPPY reading your comment makes me feel! Having that nostalgia come through and resonate is cathartic. Really appreciate you taking your time to read and comment. Can't wait for you to check out what the bunch gets into. Xavi and Indio are in another story I have here that takes place in a club. It's called Covadonga.
Thank you for taking the time to write it fam. Joints dope and inspiring to see you do your thing and also willing to engage on here. Keep going!
Yooo this was super dope! I instantly noticed the Reservoir Dogs inspiration for their little lunch. Dialogue was tight and super effective in characterizing everyone and your voice still shines through everything else. The blunt rotations had me laughing as my homies and I have done that shit too. Love the little insights into their thoughts too. Very well put together and I think this flows very well compared to your previous work. Especially the end with the setup of their plan. Dope shit.
Yes, I first wrote it as a script, using Reservoir Dogs as a frame of reference.
I'm glad you liked it. Gotta stay tuned now to see what sort of shit they get into.
I love the feeling of the group and that you stay with them so the group becomes its own character.
Not my tongues. It was hard to follow. But it is good writing, so I completed it. It is different from what I am used to. Street language. Every character has its own slang. I am overwhelmed by the colors of these pieces and how you brought the street to words. Excellent work. Keep the flame burning.
Love that! I did want them each to have their own color/flavor, it’s not hard to paint it as such since I’m just drawing from experience. It’s how my friends talk, just translated and believe it not ‘refined’ lol
I’d dig to have a piece read by you, full English of course.
Thanks for reading!
Recording like this is absolutely out of my comfort zone. I never did this kind of language before. But if you are willing to help me a bit, I could record at least a monologue. To see how this works. Or a brief text.
I wrote something together, trying to orient on Peluche. But you would need to fix it (or completely rewrite). This is just an example of what could work.
Please feel free to mix in Spanish (?) words. I can't speak Spanish well, but I love the sound. I don't know if the Spanish words used here are good either.
Example:
Chest full of fire. I hold it. Don’t exhale. Not yet.
The smoke scrapes something loose.
Maybe my mother’s voice, that night with Confe’s hand too long on mine.
Coño.
They laugh like it’s all just blunts and folders.
But that man’s smile was a brand, and I still smell burnt skin under my shirt.
No soy un santo. But I keep it all. The names, the debts, the way Hormiga looked away.
I want to cough. I want to scream. But I hold the smoke.
Because letting it out would mean it touched me.
Not again.
I really like how you got into Peluche’s headspace. I wrote a flash last night for our next zine issue.
Wrote with your narration in mind, would you want to give it a go?
Yes please send it. DM is fine.