I enjoyed the atmosphere and the vignettes, and of course your lovely prose style / rhythm, but I'll be a while untangling the enigma of who's who. Two rereads in and I'm not too sure whether Jean B was up at the house with the video feed... must mull over
Still not clear about "you" in the first part? Whether it's important to know who "you" is?
the you is a speech pattern calque. the spacing didnt take when i pasted the document, i didnt notice, but i broke the para, so the spacing should help.
Always in awe at the way you construct your sentences and narratives in general. Nothing less than I expected. Will restack around 5pm to get some more eyes on this for ye
Ive been going heavy on the calque, but I also cant deny that having Caleb to go through the pieces with me has helped to have a balance between my odd sometimes off-putting choices and clarity. Always appreciate you looking out.
Ah man, appreciate it, I was going to tell you that I am studying your prose, what's available on this app, because I really dig it, and as you know, I'm still dipping my toes into the water with prose as I had done with poetry two years ago. I must say, I still think 'The Windchime on The Lintel' is still your best, the writing there is just necronomical. I did think that there was an element of 'realism' in this one, I do like seeing your 'off putting choices' go wild every now and then though haha, keep banging man, as you can tell, I'm a bit of a fan
So cool to see this come together since the beta read. The character swaps are disorienting, but it didn't bother me. This time, I read it by drifting thru many lives rather than trying to keep track of who did what. That worked really well. Especially with the theme of digital voyeurism colliding with life experience. You have some absolutely brilliant paragraphs. I do feel like there's a whole postmodern novel in this that I would be very interested in reading.
Thanks for giving it a read when it was in the rougher stage! I almost discard this altogether but I felt like working this piece I learned how to do what I was trying to achieve with the story initially. I changed some things but I took what I picked from it and started again.
A whirlwind of vignettes like the one that sucked up Hector!
I found the shifting perspectives disorienting just like the mishmash of activities above-ground and below- they're living.
The casual punctuation was interesting. Maybe it's a bit of method writing like how the whippersnappers like to text each other. Fits the urban feel.
I was wondering if the snuff films would go somewhere, or maybe that's just another day for today's youth. Could reward a rereading because I doubt you leave things to chance.
I enjoyed the atmosphere and the vignettes, and of course your lovely prose style / rhythm, but I'll be a while untangling the enigma of who's who. Two rereads in and I'm not too sure whether Jean B was up at the house with the video feed... must mull over
Still not clear about "you" in the first part? Whether it's important to know who "you" is?
the you is a speech pattern calque. the spacing didnt take when i pasted the document, i didnt notice, but i broke the para, so the spacing should help.
Will bear it in mind for next readthrough, coming soon - need to crack the enigma one of these times
thanks for reading Murph, appreciate you.
un abrazo pablito
This is great work!
thanks, luca.
ive been having fun with this style lately.
appreciate you looking out
Like windblown leaves. a day in a life amongst many lives.
laconic-fic.
Great to read you again!
had a lot of fun with this one, Miss Battle was my 7th grade science teacher, and that did happen to her husband.
thanks for reading, Nick
been missing your unique literary musique my friend. absolutely sang with THE BÁEZ.
Always in awe at the way you construct your sentences and narratives in general. Nothing less than I expected. Will restack around 5pm to get some more eyes on this for ye
Ive been going heavy on the calque, but I also cant deny that having Caleb to go through the pieces with me has helped to have a balance between my odd sometimes off-putting choices and clarity. Always appreciate you looking out.
Your last flash’s beautiful, btw
Ah man, appreciate it, I was going to tell you that I am studying your prose, what's available on this app, because I really dig it, and as you know, I'm still dipping my toes into the water with prose as I had done with poetry two years ago. I must say, I still think 'The Windchime on The Lintel' is still your best, the writing there is just necronomical. I did think that there was an element of 'realism' in this one, I do like seeing your 'off putting choices' go wild every now and then though haha, keep banging man, as you can tell, I'm a bit of a fan
So cool to see this come together since the beta read. The character swaps are disorienting, but it didn't bother me. This time, I read it by drifting thru many lives rather than trying to keep track of who did what. That worked really well. Especially with the theme of digital voyeurism colliding with life experience. You have some absolutely brilliant paragraphs. I do feel like there's a whole postmodern novel in this that I would be very interested in reading.
Thanks for giving it a read when it was in the rougher stage! I almost discard this altogether but I felt like working this piece I learned how to do what I was trying to achieve with the story initially. I changed some things but I took what I picked from it and started again.
Going to post that in about 5 minutes (maybe)
A whirlwind of vignettes like the one that sucked up Hector!
I found the shifting perspectives disorienting just like the mishmash of activities above-ground and below- they're living.
The casual punctuation was interesting. Maybe it's a bit of method writing like how the whippersnappers like to text each other. Fits the urban feel.
I was wondering if the snuff films would go somewhere, or maybe that's just another day for today's youth. Could reward a rereading because I doubt you leave things to chance.
Never disappointed with the Pablo though.
thanks for reading, dude.
as for leaving stuff to chance, i try the hardest not to, but there’s always a a hidden layer of meanin that lingers under the work.